


Dirty Little Secret

by kitarin



Series: Nicotine [3]
Category: Kamen Rider Drive
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:58:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4192962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitarin/pseuds/kitarin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>and all I've tried to hide - it's eating me apart - trace this life out</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty Little Secret

 

Everything goes to hell when Gou unexpectedly shows up with Brain.

_Don't feel – just fight._

Shinnosuke is wild and out of control – Gou is blank and cold as ice.

_Don't feel – just protect._

It's all completely _wrong_ – how have he and Gou managed to swap places?

_Don't......_

Chase doesn't sleep at all that night.

 

* * *

 

Chase is standing at the railing, his back to Shinnosuke, the cityscape and a wide cloudless sky spread out before him. It's not a sight that Shinnosuke is used to seeing yet – Chase here at the station, Chase on their side, Chase... acting like a... comrade, but... he can't deny having wanted for moments like this for a long time. It feels strange and yet oddly comfortable at the same time _...if only it didn't feel like it was at Gou's expense._ Shinnosuke still doesn't know what to make of Gou's blatant defection or the way his chest feels tight every time he thinks about it. _But I'm done thinking about it... things would have ended badly yesterday if Chase hadn't been there..._

And letting Gou or the case keep him from recognizing his gratefulness to the other rider is a mistake Shinnosuke isn't willing to make. Crossing the few steps between the door and the railing, he calls out, “Sorry about yesterday.” He can't bring himself to look Chase in the eyes until he's been honest, so he launches into an explanation without waiting for a reponse. “My father was killed in that robbery 12 years ago. I was too concerned with finding the truth... I lost sight of protecting people from danger...”

“ _Isn't it your job as a Kamen Rider to protect humans?”_

Shinnosuke is humble enough to admit to his error in judgement and when he turns towards Chase, the other rider responds in kind, turning to look at him. “You helped me snap out of it. Shows you've been doing this longer...” He finishes with a smile, intending the words as both a thank you and a compliment, but they seem to fly right over Chase's head.

“Does family always cause humans to lose control of their emotions?” Chase hears Shinnosuke's gratitude, but his focus is too razor-sharp on the events of the previous day.

“Huh?” Shinnosuke is surprised by the bluntness of the question out of almost nowhere, but he can tell that Chase means it in sincere curiosity, so he lets the other continue.

Chase's eyes drift slowly back towards the city as he speaks, considering everything that's played on endless loop in his mind all night. “You, Kiriko and Gou all lost your composure due to cases involving family.” This is a fact that Chase has observed, but he can't say for certain whether it's at the heart of the issue with Gou.

“It's not a matter of composure,” Shinnosuke isn't sure how to convey what feels like such a driving force in his life and he clasps both hands, turning back towards the railing and trying to find the right way to phrase a delicate and emotional topic. “Family is important... If something happens to them, it's only natural to worry...”

“Natural... to worry...” Chase doesn't have family, but he does know how he feels whenever Heart ends up too closely involved in what's going on... it's powerful and confusing and disorienting-

Shinnosuke's eyes slide back to Chase's face as he speaks and he finds himself caught up in watching the play of emotions on his beautiful features. All the terrible blankness that had been a wall between them is gone and Shinnosuke finds himself leaning in before he even realizes what he's doing. It's a completely reckless impulse when he brushes his lips against Chase's, unsurprised to find them soft and warm.

Chase is only slightly caught off guard, but less surprised by the gesture than he'd been when it was Gou, and when Shinnosuke moves to pull away, Chase takes a half step closer, sealing their mouths again just as impulsively. It's not as if he hasn't felt the strange tug between them since day 1.

But as quickly as it happens, it's over, because Shinnosuke takes two steps back the second time, going red straight to his ears as he rambles immediately. “But don't worry too much – I'm confident that we'll solve this case, find out what's wrong with Gou this time, find out what happened to my dad...we've got the whole team working on it together now and... and it's all going to turn out just fine!”

Chase watches Shinnosuke with a bemused expression as he fumbles excessively with the door handle. “...did you come up here just for that?” he asks, making it entirely unclear whether he's talking about the apology or the kiss.

“Yes – no, I mean...” Shinnosuke pauses, taking a deep breath and attempting to re-compose himself. “I did come up here looking for you, at Kiriko's request...”

Chase follows Shinnosuke back into the building, eyes fixed on his back as he runs off with Kiriko to speak with Maruya. There's so much weight on his shoulders, and when Chase recognizes 001's icy mark on Maruya, he begins to wonder if he can manage to lift some of it.

No one has asked him to do such a thing, but... he finds himself wanting to help the other rider in whatever way that he can.

_Maybe this is something I can do to help...bringing Gou back to their sides._

 

* * *

 

Chase pauses as one of Gou's bikes circles his head in a flash of color. He can see Gou's shadow on the bridge above him and he slowly turns to look up at him, the brightness of the day a counterpoint to the actual mood. “I knew you would come for me...even if you've been ignoring Kiriko's calls.” It doesn't make sense, though... if Chase is the one that Gou hates most, then why answer his summons and not his sister's? Is Gou really brainwashed or just acting in a way that none of them understand?

Gou's arms are crossed defensively as he stares Chase down. “Then this is your idea of calling me out?” Leaping smoothly over the railing and down to the same level Chase is on, he tries to ignore the warring impulses in his heart. _PUNCH HIM. KISS HIM._ _ **PUNCH HIM@!**_

“Let me see behind your ear,” Chase intones smoothly, hoping this can be an easy conversation, but already knowing it won't be. Nothing is ever easy with Gou.

Gou is startled to realize how far Chase has already unraveled what's going on to be asking that question, but he plays dumb because there's no way he's willing to give up the act this soon. _Playing dumb should be the easiest way out..._ “...eh? What do you mean?”

Chase tries again to be straight-forward and to the point, but his tone is definitely more abrasive for being forced to repeat himself. “I said... let me see behind your ear.”

Gou's eyes narrow, his voice growing agitated as he paces angrily, irritated at how easily Chase always gets under his skin. Besides, being agreeable towards the Roidmude is the very last thing he would do, brainwashed or not. “You really weird me out, you know that?!” Lifting a hand to point at Chase, he yells, “Whatever! This is the day I finally take you down!”

As Gou holds up his driver, Chase resigns himself to the fact that he's going to have to fight for an answer and wonders if what happened between them the other day was actually real. _Why does nothing ever make sense?_ “Very well. We will do this the hard way.” He slaps his own driver on and braces himself as Gou charges him with a holler, swinging wildly. They trade punches back and forth until Gou gets irritated at Chase's dodging, and they both henshin in the same instant.

It's a brutal brawl of punches and kicks and throwing each other to the ground repeatedly, but neither seems able to truly gain the upper hand. It's hard for Chase to tell if this is really a fight to the death or just an excuse to blow off steam, but it's trying his patience either way. When punching's not enough, the guns come out too, blasting at each other until Gou finally grabs Chase by the arms, roaring in his face. “Time to finish this!”

Jumping back, he sets the finishing Full Throttle and Chase responds in kind. Each with a noise of frustration, they collide in mid-air, hovering for a moment before Gou de-henshins, crashing gracelessly to the ground as Chase lands smoothly on two feet.

Dragging Gou off the ground by his jacket, Chase jerks him around until he can get a clear shot... and sure enough, the mark is there behind his ear. Chase's lips twitch, but he isn't sure if the tight coiling in his gut is disappointment or relief or... it doesn't matter. There's no point in trying to convince Gou of _anything_ if his memories have been altered. He's not going to understand...

He might not even remember what had transpired between them the other day.

“We're done here.” Frustrated and disgusted on multiple levels, Chase tosses Gou back to the ground and starts to walk away.

Gou's icy facade finally cracks a little as he rolls back to a sitting position, knowing full well that he can't tell Chase – or anyone – the truth right now. His heart is still pounding with the adrenaline of their fighting and all of his tangled feelings. “You sure about that?!” he hollers after the other rider, angry at his own loss – if he could just... _kill_ the Roidmude, like he's going to kill _all_ the Roidmudes... if he didn't have this strange burning desire to throw Chase up against a wall again and... if only he was _stronger_ and less _pathetic_... if, if, _if_... “Don't you want to finish me off?!”

...but there's a part of him... that just wants it to be fucking _over_ already, that just wants to be put out of his own fucking _misery_...  “I'm just going to keep coming after you!”

Chase turns back to look at Gou, sprawled on the pavement, wild-eyed and emotional and _nothing_ like the blank wordless robot he was yesterday during the fight with Shinnosuke. _It doesn't make sense._ “Even I can see...” He really wishes he could have a real conversation with Gou, but that's... impossible... and seeing her brother like this would probably devastate the person Chase owes the most to right now, the one who believed in him enough to give him a second chance. Shouldn't he do the same?

“ _Family is important... If something happens to them, it's only natural to worry...”_

“...that killing you would upset Kiriko.” Chase's own feelings are as muddled as his memories, but he's gotten what he came for – an answer.

Hearing his sister's name from Chase's lips causes Gou's walls to crumble a little more, his eyes annoyingly going glassy as his head sinks and he chokes out an answer he isn't sure Chase can even hear. “I never wanted to hear those words from you.” _Why are YOU the one protecting my sister?! IT SHOULD BE ME!_

Meltdowns always seem to hit him at the worst possible moments.

But it's... perfect, right? That fight went just as he'd planned... Chase will tell Kiriko that he's brainwashed and it will buy him time to get that damn tablet out of Brain's hands and then... and then...

But the truth is that Gou's plan only goes that far. He has no idea what he's going to do after that and he can't focus on it, can't let himself get distracted from playing the part he's cast himself in and not letting anyone find out any of his secrets...

The many little ones... or the big one.

 

* * *

 

“Kiriko, about Gou...” Chase doesn't know exactly what he's going to say when turns to Kiriko, but he knows he must say something to ease her mind.

“ _Family is important... If something happens to them, it's only natural to worry...”_

Will she worry less if she thinks Gou is brainwashed? Chase remembers how worried she was about Gou when he was the victim of the last case. Does Gou actually want or need rescuing? Despite the mark behind his ear, the entire exchange has left Chase entirely uncertain of the truth and until he has the truth, he can't bring himself to see Kiriko worry again.

“Chase...?” Kiriko prods him gently when he seems to space out, his eyes obviously troubled.

“I looked behind his ear... he didn't have the scar from 001.” It's a lie – a blatant one – and Chase is more than aware that he's now made himself responsible for getting Gou out of this before Kiriko finds out the truth.

“What?” Kiriko impulsively grabs Chase's arms, her expression intense, her words sharp. _Why would Gou answer Chase and not me?_ “You saw Gou?!”

“Yes.”

“I see... so that means...” Her hands slide from Chase's arms, worry and confusion and - “If his memories weren't altered, then...Gou must have had a good reason to get close to them.” -relief. It's the only thing that makes sense if Chase is telling her the truth, and it wouldn't be the first time that Gou has done his own thing without feeling the need to explain it to her. “Thank you, Chase.”

It's that flicker of relief that makes Chase feel as if he's made the right decision, makes him feel like he's managed to protect something fragile, despite the guilt he feels over the blatant lie. _Kiriko and Gou... family desires to protect each other._

“Oh, and here...” She rustles around quickly, withdrawing the Proto-Drive shift car and carefully presenting it to him with both hands. Chase takes it from her slowly as she continues, “Rinna said you might not be able to recover all of the data stored in its memory.”

Their eyes lift from the car simultaneously and then Chase's hand closes around it as he murmurs, “I understand.” He slides the car into the Break Gunner as Shinnosuke's voice rises above them both, speaking to the child -

“001?!

And then the world is suddenly crashing in on him, a blinding vortex of fire and pain, searing through every nerve in his body. Chase isn't sure if the screaming he hears is in the past or the present.

 

 

 


End file.
